Saturday, December 23, 2017

It is Christmas. We are looking for Miracles.

December is a month filled with preparations and anticipation for everyone.  There are cookie exchanges, packages, cards, holiday parties and every manner of excitement for the end of the year celebration, however you happen to name it.  The Ramers celebrate Christmas, but this year our preparations have been for a very different sort of event.

We have been waiting with diminishing patience and increasing anxiety to learn if the T cells that researchers at MD Anderson collected last month had sufficiently grown.  The call came a little over a week ago, that they were successful.  Chemo would begin on Christmas Eve and the genetically engineered T cells would be administered five days later.

Our preparations and travel arrangements were hastily made, and filled with gratitude because Brent now has circulating blasts.  It becomes a race in AML, to not have a catastrophic event as the disease overtakes the marrow, because it reduces the power of the immune system.  Infection becomes increasingly dangerous. Infection is the catastrophic event we most fear.

The day before we were to fly to Houston, Brent developed a cough.  I held my breath.

Overnight, only hours from our departure, he required more oxygen.  I wanted some for myself.

As the medical transport team arrived before dawn, Brent went into respiratory distress.  Heartbroken and despairing,  I asked that we fly anyway,  knowing that the only way that Brent might live, is if he could get to these cells.  I write this from an ICU in Houston, where Brent battles both leukemia and septic pneumonia. They have sedated and intubated him, giving his body time to fight the infection with the help of strong medicines.

While I knew that we would spend our holiday in the hospital, I did not anticipate that it would look this this.

We are so grateful for our new team of physicians and nurses at MD Anderson who are working hard to help Brent manage his dueling sharks. While still very ill, this is clearly where he needs to be.  Our whole family is now here. He is surrounded by love.

While the path ahead is filled with uncertainty,  I remain ever hopeful.  Perhaps with good reason:

We learned on this day in 2011, that Lauren had a sizable asymptomatic brain tumor. This was devastating news for Dan and me, but 9-year-old Lauren called finding it a 'Christmas Miracle.'  Two years ago, we managed to get Brent home for Christmas, nearly in remission, contrary to every medical expectation.  Last December, we had evidence of a successful skin graft between Alex and Brent, something that has never been accomplished before. This Christmas, we are hoping for another fantastic and improbable gift, better than anything available from Amazon.

I am grateful to be here, listening to the whoosh of the ventilator, waiting for the slow healing.  I have faith that it will come.

The Ramers welcome your prayers and send you our love this Christmas.

7 comments:

  1. Sending much love and many more prayers for Brent's recovery. I wish I was there to give you a big hug and share a bottle of wine with you. Until we see our favorite Ramer Nation members again, know that our thoughts, prayers and love are with you. Xoxo, Meliss, Jason & Jack

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  2. Your family is in my prayers. Hoping you find good news this Christmas.

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  3. On this Christmas morning, I continue to send my prayers up on behalf of Brent, Lauren and the rest of your family. On this day, God bore his son to us so He could save us and His love will do that for Brent. He too is His child and God's love and healing knows no bounds. Your faith is the same. May God's blessings continue to shine upon you today and every day!

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  4. The Ramer Family is always in our prayers! May Christmas blessings come to you.

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  5. Hi Ann,

    I am on winter break and I felt a sudden need to pray for you and the family today during my devotional time. I pray that you and the family continue to find strength and faith. Thank you for teaching this young doctor so much, talking with me in those wee hours of the night and allowing me to care for your children. It is a privilege that I will never forget.

    I hope to see you soon,
    Brian

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    1. I just checked my work e-mail and Kahla sent an e-mail to the Rainbow team that Brent had passed away a few days ago. I am speechless. I pray that God can provide comfort, preparation and logistics for the funeral, and for strength in the days ahead. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope to connect with you once again.

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